These online dating tips shouldn’t necessarily be followed. Unless by “follow” we mean “read and laughed at”...
June 16, 2010: Any weaknesses in your online dating profile can easily be rebuked by promises to overcompensate in bed. For instance, something like: “I can’t bake, but I can suck the sugar out of an unopened Pixie Stick,” oughtta cover it.
May 16, 2010: If you’re going to break-up with your online mate, for god’s sake have the decency to do it over the phone. (from The Onion)
May 5, 2010: CINCO DE MAYO PICK-UP LINE OF THE DAY: There is a fiesta in my pantalones and you and your amigas/amigos are invited.
April 11, 2010: Remember, in the world of on-line dating, the old adage “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again,” only works with different suitors. With the same one, it’s called stalking. — Lucky Girl
April 1, 2010: Dates like to know that they’re appreciated. Go the extra mile and send that special someone an e-card or virtual flowers. (from The Onion)
March 22, 2010: Often suitors will end an e-mail or a phone call with a “Take Care” or “Have a good day”. Try responding with a quick “Don’t tell me what to do! You don’t even know me and you’re already bossing me around!“ And let me know how it pans out. –Lucky Girl
March 14, 2010: Be sure to arrange to meet online dates in an open, public place for your first meeting. That way, you can use binoculars to check them out from a distance beforehand. That said, of course, communication is key to any relationship. So put down those binoculars, march right over there, and introduce yourself! (adapted from the Onion)
March 6, 2010: Before you go on a date with someone, chat with them over the phone. There are certain red flags you should look for. If a recording says the call is being monitored, this could mean your potential date is in prison and just getting out next week . If you hear three or four kids crying in the background, two or three dogs barking in the background, or someone hollering “Bubba shut your trap, I’m on the telephone…” these might be good reasons to rethink the date. Of course, if you call and the number has been disconnected, hmmm, need we say more? Also watch how the person answers the phone. If they say ” Joe’s morgue, you stab them, we slab them,” this is an indicator that it could be a bad date punctuated by bad jokes. If the person answers the phone with a lisp, then says “wait a minute, let me get my teeth”, you might want to think twice about a good-night kiss on that first date. — Philip Thiebert
February 27, 2010: Unless you’re looking for a first date tripping over squatters in the dilapidated crackhouse uptown, or say, getting crabs, how ’bout you leave out that part about “wanting to experience everything life has to offer” in your profile. — Lucky Girl
February 20, 2010: If you are having a hard time finding a decent, commitment-minded man through e-dating, try to e-shut the fuck up for once and stop your e-bitching. (adapted from The Onion)
