how very lucky to be a girl

I’d taken my profiles off all the dating sites.  But before that, I had emailed herbivore1969.  He’d only had one photograph.  It was only of his face.  And it was blurry.  But he looked like he might have nice eyes and a good smile.  I couldn’t be sure.  He was tall, so there was that.

But it was his words that had grabbed me.  He’d written a couple of things I’d found clever and a couple that I found touching.  I had nothing to lose, so I sent him a note.

I was caught off guard by what you wrote about animals.  Not because the death of one can make you cry, but because I wrote something quite similar in my profile. So, I suppose a very bad date idea would be a double feature of Old Yeller and I am Legend.

Or, we could do that, but you’ll have to bring a LOT of Kleenex.

Of course drinks are always an option…

Staci

He responded.

Staci
Old Yeller gets me every time, I think so did Bambi.
We could bring a lot of tissues because I love watching movies.  Or maybe drinks, like you said, during a movie?

I really like your profile and your answers on many of your questions.
You seem to be a very funny person (not to look at but to laugh with). You have very honest warming eyes.

By the way in your last answer, what you’re looking for, you mentioned a guy that notices toilet paper on a woman’s shoe, you didn’t say he has to do something about it, just that he notices it.  He could be a prick, notice it and still let you walk around with it….I would tell you, with a smile.

I’d like to talk to you more.

Drinks?

Herb

Eh.  This was OK.  I’d really hoped his actual name wasn’t Herb.  My mind flashed forward to a moment of intimacy, screaming his name out in the throes of passion.  No way I could imagine “Herb” being such a name.  I was getting ahead of myself, but there would have to be a pet name.

Still, I liked that he actually read my profile.  Even if he did miss the fact that the toilet paper quip was “Why You Should Contact Me” and not “What I’m Looking For”.   And, he was assertive enough to ask for a date.

Hi Herb.

I’d be happy to meet you for drinks. We can save the heartbreaking movies for another time, preferably one when I’m not wearing mascara :-p

I have Tuesday or Wednesday available anytime after 7:30 if either night works for you.

I’ll be back in the city Sunday night. Why don’t you give me a call and we can make a plan…

Looking forward,
Staci

p.s. I’m not looking for a guy who noticed toilet paper on my shoe, but suggested it would be a good reason to contact me. this works exceptionally well because the prick who wouldn’t tell me has no reason to contact me. fortunately you are not a prick

I wasn’t looking for a reply, but I got one.

I would be concerned if the toilet paper that was draping from your shoe was used, but I suppose you’re right.  It can be a great conversation starter.  Maybe next time I go to a bar or out for dinner I should walk around with my fly open and toilet paper coming out of the back of my pants, see who notices.

I will give you a call to set up a date. And you’re right I’m not a prick, maybe a ball-buster.
Herb

Ball-buster?  Really?  Save that for the guys.  But that wasn’t enough to send me running for the hills.  Besides, he’d given me fodder for a great imaginary conversation.

“how did you two meet?”

“oh, (s)he spotted toilet paper on my shoe/coming out of the back of my pants/my fly was open. the rest is history.”

=awesome

and if you are dead set on this experiment, please make sure it’s a really nice restaurant :-p

He responded immediately.

I was thinking hot dogs from a cart or tacos from jose the Taco guy, stroll down the seedy part of the bowery end up in spanish harlem for some dessert.

His experiment wouldn’t work in these venues.

well, those establishments don’t have bathrooms, let alone toilet paper for you, but they all sound like prime spots to find a dream date. ha.

It seemed he may have been thinking that I was speaking of “Us” earlier in my imagined conversation, that I was asking for him to take me somewhere nice (which, by the way, he should if he wants to see me more than once, but I digress).  I had thought this comment would clear up that confusion.  Nope.

figured if we go to a dive and work our way up it would be cool. I don’t want to spoil you too much on a first date. Where would I go from there?

I know exactly where you would go from there…

judging from your suggestions, a place with a bathroom, i suppose.

He didn’t call Sunday night.

Monday there was a text.

Did you make it back to the city without toilet paper sticking to your shoe?

I ignored it.

Tuesday came another text.

Hey, it’s Herb.  How are you?  Is it too late?

It wasn’t too late.  But I was going to make him wait.

Hours later, I responded.

I’m good.  Is this the phone call you were going to make Sunday night?

I’m so sorry.  Got caught up with too much stuff the last few days.  Did you get my other text?

Yes.  I don’t care much for texts.

Good.  I’m glad you got it.  I didn’t want you to think I was blowing you off or forgot.  I’m sorry I sent a text, though.

You don’t have to be sorry for sending a text.  But I would like you to call when you say you will.  That’s important.  To me.

I agree.  You’re absolutely right.  When’s a good time to call you?

When you say you will.

I hear you loud and clear.  I will call you tomorrow night at 9:01pm.

And he did.  On the nose.

.