how very lucky to be a girl

“Chivalry is not dead,” he said.  ”It’s just forsaken.”

But he never forsook it.  Which was the problem.  He was raised to be a gentleman and took this responsibility as seriously as any other.

He walked street-side along his companion on the sidewalk.  He always opened all doors for a lady and waited for her to enter a room before him.  He waited to be seated after her. He rose when she did.  He helped her with her coat.  He complimented her, respected her and listened intently to her.  He communicated honestly, openly, kindly, warmly and loyally.  He did what he said he was going to do when he said he was going to do it.  He showed signs of affection when he felt them.  And he did not when he didn’t.  He always escorted his date home and waited outside to see they were safely inside before leaving.

He behaved this way indiscriminately.  With all women.  But he was looking for one woman.  To belong with, and who belonged with him.

Like all of us, he’s dating to find her.  He sets the time, chooses the place, picks her up and escorts her to the destination.  He’s comfortable and charming and smart and funny and kind.  He’s interesting and interested.  And he’s a gentleman.

And she, well she’s observing all of this, experiencing it, drinking it in, and enjoying it.  Because not only is it nice to be treated this way, but, sadly, it’s rare.

So here’s what happens.  She likes him.  And she thinks that because he does all of these things, that he likes her too.  To be sure, he does.  He wouldn’t have asked her out if he didn’t.  But the truth is that they don’t know one another.  He’s behaving the only way he knows how and trying to get to know her, and she has already decided that she wants to bring him home and forge ahead with their relationship.  The one they don’t have yet.

Somewhere along the way, he became the beneficiary from a gaping social failure.  One where he gets credited as being a “great guy” for simply doing what a man is supposed to do.

When did we become so love-starved, so deprived of decency and respect that something as simple as getting a door became the determination of greatness?  Chivalry, like common sense, isn’t common.  But what happened along the way that opened the flood gates of confusion simply because he was chivalrous?  When did we throw the baby out with the bath water in favor of a little kindness?  How could we forget or ignore or confuse the process of getting to know, like and love someone after they push your chair in for you?

I know.  It’s the little things.  And they matter.  Really.  The little things are words of their own, silently telling us, showing us, reminding us how a person feels.  And the little things have become part of the problem.  Because when a guy comes along and does those little things, not the extraordinary ones, but the ones that once were ordinary and common and are no longer, well, we sometimes misplace their meaning.  We’ve become so hungry for those little things that they can become blinding, so much so that we would throw ourselves into the arms of the chivalrous man that is not right for us, ready for a relationship, or even interested.  We see the trees but not the forest.  The little things.  They count.  But they are not everything and they cannot replace or make up for the absence of the big stuff – like an emotional, intellectual, physical connection.

I am reminded of a long forgotten lesson.  We are all deserving of this treatment.  In fact, maybe if we expected it, settled for nothing less, maybe then chivalry would cease to be abandoned, women would cease to be confused by it, and the bar of a man’s “greatness” could be raised back where it belongs.