I haven’t felt like internet dating. Not at all. And I haven’t felt like writing about not internet dating. And so I’ve been noticeably absent, restrained and silent. And I’m not sure when or if that will change.
All is well in a lucky girl’s life. Apart from the occasional malaise that may accompany what sometimes feels like the failure of a year life-long experiment. I remind myself: they all fail until one doesn’t.
But sometimes I just get so tired of looking.
And so I stopped.
Enter a 25-year-old man who wants to make an honest woman of me and a dishonest 35-year-old who doesn’t. And the only end game there, really, is that as long as either or both continue, there will be no cobwebs to speak of in my nether regions.
It’s not where I thought I’d be at the less than tender age of 40.
Nor is it altogether bad.
It’s fulfilling in some ways, disenchanting in others. Just like everything, it’s about perspective. On some days, my perspective is one of failure and I find myself unable to grasp just how this came to be my life. On other days, sunny. I chose this. And it leaves me free to enjoy my life, my friends, my city, my travels, my world.
I would trade that for the person with whom I want to share my life, my friends, my city, travels and our worlds. But I wouldn’t trade it for just anyone. I didn’t. I won’t.
I sometimes look at my year of internet dating and wonder why? I sometimes look at my year of internet dating and feel angry and bitter that the men who said they would show up again didn’t. I sometimes look at my year of internet dating and feel sorry for myself.
And then I remember the other half. The half that liked me. The half I could have settled for. And didn’t.
I don’t enjoy either feeling. And it’s why, in part, that I stopped internet dating.
I can’t say what is to come. And I can’t say whether I will take this opportunity to redirect this blog and write about something else. That’s usually what I think will happen.
Until I came across this…
Sinéad O’Connor has taken to the internet in a vibrantly honest way to find herself a lover. According to her, it seemed preferable to the vegetable stand, which had become a little too tempting.
The outpouring of response has been overwhelming. And even Sinéad had to compromise her list of requirements (softening her ban on lesbians, Brians, and Nigels, apparently).
I’d say this, if I thought for one second that Sinéad and I swam, dipped our feet in, or even sunbathed next to the same dating pool: Send me your rejects.
But I’m not saying that. I’m just saying hello to you, my dear readers. I don’t know when I’ll be back. But I will be back.
Love,
Staci
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I loved this post. Perspective is always a struggle; it’s helpful to remember that it’s something you can change just by looking at things differently. Well, it’s SOMETIMES helpful.
Thanks, Hilarity! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.
As for changing one’s perspective, I tend to think it’s always helpful. It’s just that it’s not always easy.
Hey!
I just had a really thoughtful and praising message deleted at the last second for some reason, so this is going to be a shorter version.
Great to see you back and to know you’re well. Your writing is, as usual, both open and reflective as well as free from pandering or cliches. You say what it is you feel, and that reflects an honesty in your life and in yourself that is never going to not attract great men.
25 year old? Really?
Nice.
Caleb
Caleb, thank you for BOTH of your thoughtful and praising messages. It makes me smile to know that when I write, you are there, wholly, with your wit and charm. It always makes me smile. And thank you, also, for your assuring words. It’s sometimes easy to forget the possibility, or rather, probability of a great man. Whoever he is, I hope he makes me laugh like you do.
And yes. 25!!! Kind. Smart. Sweet. Hot. Young, oh god, very young. And lasts ALL night :-p
So happy to see you writing. On any topic. It makes me smile.
Simone, YOU make me smile. xxoo
So missed you over the summer Lucky Girl. I feel so for your situation that I want to help but do not know how. You said “And then I remember the other half. The half that liked me. The half I could have settled for. And didn’t.”
There’s another group. The subset of the half that liked you, but perhaps you gave up on before even giving them a chance. Perhaps they weren’t as smooth or charming as some of the guys who didn’t call you when they said they would. I’m not talking about the hopeless losers either. These are guys who aren’t quite the Alpha Male but have steady jobs and decent looks and would make good fathers.
I’m trying to defend a thesis in a comment space though I’m sure you get my point. You don’t have to radically change to find the man you deserve, you just might need to tweak the criteria of the guy you feel deserves you.
respectfully, Icarus
Icarus, if you and I were to meet in real life I have no doubt you would quickly become one of my most treasured friends. Thank you, always, for your kind, thoughtful, reflective comments. They always make me think, always make me strive to be better, to do better. That is how you help me.
As for the subset, the half that liked me. I do think that I failed to give some of them the chance that maybe I could have. But there were many to whom I gave many chances. And while I do believe that love and attraction can be ever evolving, changing and growing, I’ve come to believe that the same can’t quite be said of chemistry. I’ve tried so often in hopes that the ever elusive chemistry would develop, it never did, and so in those cases, we cut our losses and moved on.
I have a big personality. I am a strong presence, a powerful woman, a force. Not every man is comfortable with that. I’d be lying if I didn’t cop to my attraction toward the Alpha Guy, but the member of the pack who quietly delights in my storm and who can just as equally calm it – that guy is every bit as intoxicating, if not more.
And I hope, one day, I’ll find him.
Love,
Staci
I’m on your blog for the first time and a little saddened that you might not carry it on though I do understand. My husband passed away, and I was crippled for a few years. Eventually, I started dating online. It’s certainly been a ride. I’ve had disasters and hilarious moments. I’ve had ups and downs. There have been times where I’ve wondered what am I doing. And you’re right, your perspective isn’t always easy to change and it influences our thoughts and actions heavily. Right now, I’m not looking for Mr. Right. I enjoy being single. But I am still dating. If you decide to keep dating and writing, I look forward to reading your stories.
Cindy,
Welcome to How Very Lucky, and thank you so much for reading and for sharing with me. I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. It makes me realize how very precious finding love is. Because even the most seemingly perfect union is no guarantee of what is to come. It is why I aim to savor every moment, even the not so nice ones – knowing that things never stay the same. I haven’t perfected this, clearly, but I get better at it with each passing moment.
I too am enjoying being single. I have stopped looking for Mr. Right and am filling my time with art and culture and food (and of course drink) and loved ones and a couple of Mister-Right-Nows. I am looking to fill more of my time giving back to my community. And with all of that, dating or no, I expect there will be stories.
There are always stories.
xxoo
LG
First time reader, loved it!
Never give up, never surrender! …Or at least that’s how I feel. I’m {reluctantly} trying out online dating and trying to have a good outlook on it. I’m sure if I don’t THINK I’ll find someone, I’ll keep myself from being open if someone decent actually comes along. And, to add insult to injury, I’m tracking it all online on my blog.
Great read, and I hope to see you posting again soon. Chin up!