DayDreamMachine sent me a message on OK Cupid.
Subject: I…
Body:…think you’re absolutely adorable. And I’d like to
get to know you better.Who am I?
Hmm….I was born in England, have lived in
Brooklyn, Queens, Long Island, Los Angeles and now
NYC. I work in NYC as well.After discovering the cure for cancer, I climbed Mt.
Everest (without supplemental oxygen), studied with
the Dalai Lama, and dated (briefly) Cindy Crawford.My career as a Yankees third baseman was going
nowhere, and rather than accept the grant from the
Salk Institute, I went to work at a television
network in New York.And you?
Please write back because it would put a smile on my face.
Roger
PS You have absolutely beautiful eyes…
I read this with complete and utter disbelief. The root of this disbelief had nothing to do with the fact that Mr. I-Personally-Think-I’m-So-Clever is full of shit, but because I’d read this before.
Really? Another cut and paste job? In the same week? I couldn’t believe it.
I signed on to Nerve. Clicked on my inbox. And there it was. The message I had received on March 16th from, you guessed it, DayDreamMachine.
I don’t know if it was residual anger from Chef Fred and Rocky Raccoon, if I was just having a bad day, or if I simply didn’t care, but I responded to this Bullshit Machine.
You know you sent me this EXACT message on another website? I can only assume that this is the cut and paste job you send to all the girls.
I’ll save you time, Roger. This is your next e-mail…
—–
Dear Staci,
Thank you so much for writing back…I work in programming and acquisitions..Here’s a bit more about me…
I try and do the right thing at the right time to
the right person. I believe that good actions lead
to good thinking rather than the other way around.I’m a restless, energetic, passionate, person who
enjoys running, shopping, watching movies,
meditating, drawing, painting, reading, and
just about anything with the right person.I’m part of an improv comedy troupe and also taking piano lessons.
Fancy a flirtatious phone conversation?
Roger
—–
I’m going to pass on the flirtatious phone conversation and I’ll give you a tip. Doing the right thing at the right time to the right person probably wouldn’t involve sending anyone form letters and it definitely wouldn’t involve sending the same woman the same form letter twice.That’s no way to capture my interest, at least.
I hope you find whomever you seek.Take care.
Unreal.
If any of you should happen to get the same note from Roger, please be sure to tell him that Staci sends her love. Douchebag.
.
I was quite impressed by his first email – he seemed to have at least some wit and originality in him, which makes it all the more surprising to me that he’s in the form letter business too. I understand that some people struggle to come up with much to write and don’t want to keep going through that hardship, but he wouldn’t seem to be one of them at first glance. I wonder why so few people seem to put effort into their opening messages even when they have the capability?
Matt,
I was too, which is why I’d responded to him and received his second e-mail. An original, unique work? Your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, life and time got away from me and this exchange went the way of the fade-out. Until he sent it again. I find it astonishing that some people put more thought and effort into selecting a breakfast cereal at the market than they do a partner. I am befuddled by the notion that in the quest for love, the investment of a personal note is too much effort for some. Most especially those with the seeming capacity to put forth such effort. For me, and I’m sure most others however, this is not acceptable.
But I believe the universe delivers to you what you put forth. Therefore this guy is deserving of nothing more than a spot in line at a happy ending massage parlor. One which he has to pay for.
A quick Google search says you’re not the only recipient of this note who also has a dating blog:
http://fishwithoutbicycle.blogspot.com/2010/08/dead-armed-prepping-for-peru-online.html
Scott, this is genius. I hadn’t even considered googling his note! Thanks for sending!
Ha!! Good for you. A commenter on my blog tipped me off to your post as I received the exact same message. This guy’s a total arse!! In fact my experiences with online dating are only serving to prove how lucky I am to be single. I’ve taken a break from it now, but if you are persisting I admire you for that. Good luck, it’s tough out there.
Dear Fish,
I think you’re absolutely adorable and I’d like to get to know you better. I haven’t studied with the Dalia Lamai or fucked Cindy Crawford, but I held my own in little league :-p
Delighted we’ve found one another, I assume thanks to Scott (thank you, Scott!). I too am lucky to be single, and have written about it before. That doesn’t preclude me from wanting a wonderful, lasting and fulfilling relationship. It also doesn’t preclude me from the belief that breaks are both healthy and necessary. So enjoy yours, and I’ll see you back on the dating circuit soon enough. Hopefully, this time, not receiving the same e-mails from the same jackasses…
xxoo
LG
I”m in Vancouver on POF and have also received this email.
Wiener.
Dear JS,
This just gets more amazing by the minute!
Perhaps we should all bond together and respond to him with ONE Form letter?
Yes, please get together and compose a group response to Mr. Wonderful.