Jessica Downey is a ray of sunshine in the Windy City. One that spreads out across the country to both coasts and beyond. Her tales are the tales of every woman. She writes of the things we all encounter in the (online) dating world. And her perspective – well let’s just say that in most cases, I hope the guys are reading it. Jessica’s not an advice columnist, but she could train an army of men to be better daters. She’s a straight-shooting, no bullshit, call ‘em like she sees ‘em, playful gal living and loving her single life, and recognizing that that is not mutually exclusive to wanting a relationship. She’s opinionated without being acerbic. I haven’t yet met Jess in real life, but her writing makes me feel as if I have. More importantly, it makes me want to.
Need to pretend to be committed? There’s a ring for that
by Jessica Downey of All The Single Ladies
For anyone who is keeping count, we have established that I am not obsessed with marriage but that I want to fall in love. We have also established that I don’t think a woman is ever really unmarried but that she can be single at any age. It would only seem fitting that last night while watching MTV, I would discover that someone has decided to make an entire business out of helping women pretend to be committed.
That’s right ladies, for a mere $29.95 you can get a little thing called the Ms. Taken ring (wow clever title). Apparently if you want to keep a guy from hitting on you, all you have to do is just slip this little ring on your finger and they won’t even bother (since, you know, you appear taken).
And they even throw in a set of “playaz cards to help you spot unsuitable suitors.” Phew, thank you so much. I mean really, not only will you help me to keep away all the creepy guys but you have also given me a guide so I can easily spot the creeps. My Saturday night will be saved from now on, really.
Oh and as an even bigger bonus you can even use the ring for reunions or when you visit your grandmother. Clearly this is a must have for any single woman.
I can’t help but wonder about a few things though. Why can’t women simply just tell a guy that she is not interested? Perhaps you could even just walk away when a guy you aren’t interested in approaches you. I know, I know that is a totally crazy idea but I am just throwing it out there.
I also have to say that if we are talking about some of the creepy guys that have hit on me they could really care less if you are married. Think about it, do you really think some little ring is going to stop them? Unless of course this ring has some sort of magical powers.
Then, what will poor nana do when she never actually meets the guy that you are engaged to? Even better what are you going to do when she starts asking you about wedding plans? Yeah sure she might stop asking when you are going to meet a guy but now she’s all up in your business about wedding plans. I am not quite sure how that really solved your problem.
Thanks but no thanks, makers of the Ms. Taken ring. I will take my chances with the creepers and keep my $29.95 to spend on better things (like some more vodka).
I’d never heard of the Ms. Taken ring (it’s not the first time I learned something from Jess), but, like her, I found it to be one of the most absurd products imaginable. From my vantage point, there was nowhere to go but escalate…
For an extra fifty bucks I think they throw in the vibrating Big John love doll. Just be sure to leave the batteries at home when you take him to meet nana.
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I don’t really get why you’d need their special ring – wouldn’t any similar ring do the trick? I think they could come up with more creative ways to ward off unwanted guys – like a photo of Glenn Close with a blood-coloured rabbit’s paw print on it.